Here's what I want for Mother's Day
Moms love to wake up in chaos, get ready in a rush and go out to an overpacked brunch, but if I could offer an alternative, here it is.
Image: The Lens of Desire: Eye Miniatures | Author: unknown | Date : (ca. 1790–1810)
I was doing research online for a new water fountain for our cat until I found one that I really enjoyed, the last picture on the deck said “perfect gift for Mother’s Day!”. I was stunned. A practical household item for a pet is… a perfect… gift… for Mother’s Day? The bar is really in hell, I see. Ever since becoming a mother, I have noticed that not only as women, but as individuals, we really disappear from society, or better, we are pushed out. Especially if you have little children. We are not part or invited to any social conversation, our needs are bluntly and loudly ignored, most see us with pity but disguise it as admiritation, and even when childless women try to advocate for us, they do so in a deeply hurtful and misguided manner (I’m looking at you Chappel Roan!). We are praised for being strong, yet we don’t have any real support to rely on.
At the workplace, we face the infamous Motherhood Penalty, something widely known but not yet addressed. At home, even with supportive partners, we carry all the mental load of motherhood, and those invisible tasks deplete us making us feel like we’re constantly malfunctioning. When we are out in society, we are shamed for every decision we make, if you breastfeed, if you don’t, if you put them in daycare, if you don’t, if you work, if you don’t, if you cook, if you don’t. I can’t list it all, because when I say every decision is shamed and questioned, I mean literally, every. single. one.
But today, I don’t want to talk about any of that, I want to simply blurt out what my perfect Mother’s Day gift is. And no, it’s not the water fountain for Mr. Pillow, our gorgeous cat. Come with me as we imagine the day… It’s 4 pm on the day before, I kiss my husband and the kids’ goodbye as I check in on a nice hotel alone, one with the nice thick white blankets, an infrared sauna, and a good restaurant that shortly will send a medium-rare steak with a huge side of thin fries and half a champagne bottle to my room.
After check-in, I make my way to the infrared sauna, and when I go back to my room, I take a long bath and prepare to eat my dinner in bed while watching Gilmore Girls. After I eat leisurely, I type drunkly on my computer a hate&love letter to the choices of one Lorelai Gilmore. I drift to sleep. Next morning, I wake up when I want, nobody jumping on my sleeping body, just my eyes naturally opening. Still in bed, I will eat a classic Eggs Benedict for breakfast, fresh-cut fruits, coffee and fresh orange juice. I then read a book until ten-ish, at this point, I’m in bed for about 14 hours, it’s glorious. I then check my phone for the first time since arriving.
The night at home went smoothly, and the kids are great. I then get ready calmly, listening to the music I want to and pick a nice but comfy outfit. With a late check-out, I leave the hotel and go meet my husband and kids for an afternoon at the museum. We have fun, we all sit down in front of a piece and draw for a little. When we arrive back at home, the house is clean, dinner is ready, and everybody eats. Bedtime goes without a hitch, my husband and I watch a movie and go to sleep.
Sure, the later variables like bedtime going smoothly and kids’ eating the dinner are a far off dream, but I’m imagining here. See, I don’t mind the shiny bracelet and chaotic breakfast or the packed brunch restaurants, but if I got to choose, I would say, keep the presents, drop me off at a nice hotel. We’ll talk about a mother’s invisible presence at a later date, as I grapple with the forceful need to tell all of you that I do love being a mother. A mom’s prevalent burnout does not stem from motherhood itself, but from the systemic lack of support for mothers. So if you're celebrating a mother tomorrow, make sure to remember that.
& to my fellow moms out there, Happy Mother’s Day, hope you get more than a robe!